Disconnect

Esha JaiswalLeave a comment

Island. We are an island.

Of love. Of togetherness. Of promise.

Surrounded by distance

From intruders. From vagaries of life.

From the spinning of time.

I wonder if we can function in a bubble

And not ask for a ferry or two

Of intrusion. Of vagueness. Of time slipping through.

Of a hand extended in friendship,

to want to care, a care that I don’t want spared

Island. I wish we could stay an Island.

Not worrying of ferries coming through

With goodies. With love. With so much more

Island. I would love to stay in a bubble.

Of you and I and our Island shored.

My mind a vessel

Esha JaiswalLeave a comment

For a long time now
I’ve been an empty vessel
Nothing of mine to do
Nothing to own for the day
As such an empty vessel
Each and every thing you say
Becomes what holds me and keeps me
Or likewise breaks me and bleeds me
For a long time now
I’ve been an empty vessel
Being tossed around as you’d fancy
That long a time
Will shortly end
I’ll be fuller and held well

Inertia

Esha JaiswalLeave a comment

Things are changing. For good.
All that I ever wanted.
I should be smiling, I should be happy.
Why am I not?
Am I too used to being sad and low?
Scared and lost and lonely?
I can’t make myself move.
Well knowing I am hurting
And that not moving will hurt more.
There’s so much pent up energy
Fear? Anger? Frustration?
Of what was, is and will be.
For the world I have everything
I should be the happiest and more.
But inside there’s this fear
That’s holding me back
Keeping me helpless.
With a growing ache of inertia.

My Best

Esha JaiswalLeave a comment

I am happy. Very.
However, there’s a rush to be happier
I want to quickly move into the light
Forgetting any shadow touched me.
Fill up my mind with shinier things
So that what was will look lesser
Save everything precious
Mark it with the darkest spot.

*

It’s like I’m trying to hide an elephant
With a handkerchief
I feel like an imposter
Rushing, trying to fabricate –
that extra happiness –
the cherry on the top
Smiling hard to feel good
The ‘fake it till you make it’ scene.

*

I am happy. Very.
Though I think I have jinxed it on my own.
And now I am on my way to fix it
By putting up my best to the best I know.

Promises.

Esha JaiswalLeave a comment

Much happiness – the world promises.
You my dear will be blissful
I agree, yes, blissful.
But what about what makes
what makes the everyday happen
the churn, the meeting ends?
The mental space all of it takes
to transition to the blissful?
Too loud, I fear, are the transactions
the exchanges and the preparations.
So much to reach an end,
a promise of the beautiful,
a beautiful in thought, in conception.
Much happiness like the world promises.

My boi

Esha Jaiswal2 Comments

I met a fair boy
With brown beautiful eyes
He wore big shoes
Grey shirt, jeans blue
And a jacket too

He stood by the gate
In my wait
Looking so good
I was mesmerized

Hopping down my ride
I blushed, red and redder,
With every second passing by
And before I could know he was by my side

He smiled at me
I think he said Hi
I blushed more hiding my smile
Tried to look away
Pointing to the sky
Look at those trees,
how beautiful!

He played along,
Said, Aye
While I gently touched
His hands with mine ♥️

*

I met a fair boy
With brown beautiful eyes
Three months shy of May
Walked by his side
Wove dreams in the sky
Of a future of us, shining bright

*

My boi, fair boi
With a soft warm smile,
A voice that charms all fears away
He brings to me a world of wonder
And happiness, drowning out the humdrum
With the twinkle in his deep brown
Beautiful eyes
Eyes that I look into each day ❤️